The New Vibe
The overhaul of the sexual wellness industry.

How many times, from how many people and in how many different situations have we heard the phrase, “sex sells?” Sex has always been everywhere: it has ignited movements, sparked protest, it has been the root of the most remembered scandals, it has been censored and politicized, stirring debates from the pages of Cosmopolitan to the Oval Office and Supreme Court. Sex makes people pleased in the bedroom, makes people uncomfortable at the dinner table and not to mention it makes… people. Now during the ongoing pandemic, sex seems to divide a lot of us in a different way: either you’re pregnant, or you haven’t been touched in a year. If you’re from the latter party, while your sex life may not be booming at the moment, do not fret, because the sexual wellness industry is.

It could be said that the sexual liberation movement started when the birth control pill came out in 1960. Following that, were books such as Betty Friedan’s 1963 The Feminine Mystique, Betty Dodson’s 1974 Liberating Masterbation, of which the description starts with, “Masturbation has been a continuous part of my sex life since the age of five.” and then in the 1980s we had Dr. Ruth’s radio show, Sexually Speaking. However although each of these, and many more, made massive steps in how we talk about and approach sex, it didn’t necessarily make it any less taboo. Sex still had many divided, going to a sex store felt dirty, and while they openly sold products that made women feel empowered to explore what they wanted from sex, they were sold next to products that felt nowhere near as catered for women. What more of an awkward outcast is a Spencer’s in the middle of a mall? So although sex products for women had made strides to find their footing in the marketplace, they still hadn’t quite entered–no pun intended–the mainstream in a casual way. Until now.

Lindsey Metselaar, host of popular dating podcast We Met at Acme, has consistently had guests on her show who actively work towards destigmatizing sex positivity and sexual wellness, from urologists to sex therapists who talk openly about everything from masturbation to STI’s and HPV. She feels that, “Everyone is so open, like, 'Oh, I'm pregnant, and blah, blah, blah' but no one talks about sex. It's just so interesting because that's how everything happens in the world. And so I think the more we de-stigmatize those conversations, the better.” Looking at the sexual wellness landscape now, it’s clear those conversations are being had, not only amongst friends, but in the boardroom too, as more and more companies integrate sexual wellness into their brand. Long gone are the days of having to get your vibrators at the same place with the “penis pump” in the window. Need lube? Sephora’s got your back, with Necessaire’s clean Sex Gel with Hyaluronic Acid, sold among their deodorant and hand lotion. If you want to buy a cute dress for when we can finally go out, go to Revolve, where you can buy what every influencer is wearing along with “The Fireman” vibrator by Smile Makers, for waiting until you can actually flirt with someone at a bar. 

Sexual wellness is also finally centering and uplifting women, a driving force of the industry’s success. As Kelly Holland told the crowd of the 2008 Adult Entertainment Expo, “Women have dollars, believe me, and they love to spend on things they feel enhance their self-esteem, and their intelligence, their sexual lives.” Metselaar agrees that it is this shift in focus making sexual wellness brands successful today, saying that, “they're trying to cater to women in the sexual world and I feel like it's an industry that’s only ever been catered to men but like women want to enjoy sex too!” It’s what made Emily H. (last name omitted for privacy) so comfortable in speaking with me, a stranger, about all the vibrators she loves and why. She explains, “Guys are always like, jerking off, they don't ever get any shame or any embarrassment toward it. But for women, for some reason, there's this taboo and it just doesn't make any sense. But now I feel like it's not something to be ashamed of, it's celebrated.”

Beyond meaningful conversations rid of shame, the other thing that has massively impacted the way sex is sold to us is the how: branding, packaging, and making it as pretty as possible. At the aforementioned Adult Entertainment Expo, product buyer Alicia Relles said, “Women want products that are made well and look good, and this includes packaging. Women are willing to spend a little more money for something that is beautiful and works well… and that will last you a long time.” 

Today, there’s no shortage of exactly that, and Emily H. is proof that it’s true. Lelo, a brand aiming to produce “the most refined, most luxurious and most iconic objects of desire in the world” began their quest with luxury in mind, asking: “What if our most intimate items were made as beautiful as the ones we displayed with the most pride?” Their products go from $100 to $400, with the exception of a $10,000 Anniversary Collection. Emily’s mom got her and her twin sister their first vibrator when they turned twenty-one (another sign of disappearing taboos) and it was Lelo. Two years later, Emily now pays for her own indulgences, but she still chooses to splurge on Lelo over more affordable options. “I just loved it so much.” she told me, and continued, “I think it's just like the perfect, premium company. Everything that goes into Lelo products, like the design, the way they look and just the way they have studied and researched everything, it’s an investment.”

The dissemination of sex products, sex itself, has done a complete one-eighty. It has made masturbation pretty, educational and most importantly, okay. Emily recalls not always knowing if she was really pleased after sex, until she bought a second Lelo, the Sona, of which she says, “it was just like, ‘Whoa.’ I've never had that reaction before, it was... you definitely can tell when you're coming when you have one of those.” Lindsey never forgets to emphasize on her podcast just how important learning and exploring all that is, and she reiterates it to me, saying that, “Masturbating is normal and women can masturbate too and, you know, it's okay to want to feel good and it's part of your mental health, your sexual health, you know. It's not just going to therapy. It's also taking care of yourself and self love and within self love is masturbating.”

Lelo and podcasts like Lindsey’s are nowhere near alone in working towards destigmatizing sex and making it inclusive. First and foremost, there’s Goop, the wellness website founded by Gwyneth Paltrow, who has been a prominent figure of the destigmatization of sex with her Jade Egg (yes, for down there) and “This Smells Like My Vagina” candle. They have a section in their website dedicated to sex toys, with roughly thirty products including a sex journal, sex pillow, and a gold “Vibrator Necklace” by Crave, because why not be able to accessorize and masturbate on the go at the same time? In February, Goop came out with a vibrator of their own, and it is still sold out after three days of its launch. 

There’s also Maude, who, with soft, sage-hued branding that looks like it could be selling anything from expensive perfume to fancy supplements, had actress Dakota Johnson join as co-creative director in 2020. Their products include vibrators, candles and milk-baths and are “Just as much for those young, virile straight couples as it is for that new parent who must fit intimacy in a newly hectic lifestyle, for the LGBTQ community, or that recently single 50-year-old who feels like no brand actually speaks to them.” In a world where millennial aesthetics and values thrive, inclusivity and prettiness are key. Lindsey explains, “the branding is so important. You make something pretty and package [it] nicely, that doesn't look like a condom, or it doesn't look like lube or [a] tampon, and then all of a sudden, it's more digestible.”

Just like some millennial trends though, at times it can get wacky (Moon Juice sells Sex Dust–“adaptogens for firey, sensual energy in and out of the bedroom”), or downright offensive: in February, holistic sex expert and self-proclaimed “vaginal weight lifter” Kim Anami advertised her latest sex course through a video titled “Kong Fu Vagina” and it was a lot more cultural appropriation-y than sexy. Things don’t always work out even for the queen of sexual wellness herself, Gwyneth, who settled  a lawsuit for $145,000 after making unscientific claims that the aforementioned jade egg could balance women’s hormones. Not to mention the Vagina Candle supposedly exploding in a London woman’s home. 

     We’ve come a long way since Sex and the City (a champion in destigmatizing sex positivity) aired the episode easily found by Googling “satc rabbit episode” where Charlotte York skeptically forays into the world of masturbation with the famous Rabbit Vibrator and ends up cancelling plans because of how much she enjoys her time with it. Nowadays, with so many brands breaking the barriers between sex shop and consumers, between anyone and sex, maybe she wouldn’t have been that skeptical. Maybe her art-loving self would have opted for Maude’s “Vibe” because she would appreciate how elevated, and to put it simply, pretty it is. With plans already cancelled for her, it would have gotten her through quarantine, like Emily’s collection did for her and so many others, as vibrator sales skyrocketed. Alternatively, having all that the sexual wellness industry has to offer today, it likely, luckily, wouldn’t have taken her or anyone until their 30s to embark on their masturbation education.